It's totally awesome! :'D
I brought it in, told them my issues, and they gave my money back immediately. Then I bought another PSU.
This time I settled for a lesser known brand than Corsair, because every Corsair PSU I came across did not have a 4-pin 12-volt rail; which I need for my CPU. This new replacement was half the cost of my first buy, and the brand is Cooler Master. It had everything I needed for short-term, as well as a good amount of growing room. This one is specifically the Cooler Master Extreme Power Plus 600W. I like it so far!
As with the last PSU, I had to spend nearly an hour bundling, wrapping, twisting -- you get the idea -- and doing everything in my power to fit all the new cabling into my case. This time, though, it all paid off! The moment I set the case back under the desk and switched it on, everything came humming to life and my screen flickered on. This was the first time my new graphics card had ever been used. It was a glorious moment!
Now I've been stress-testing things by playing my favorite games at the highest graphical settings I can muster. Really, Minecraft's still derpy and everything else looks beautiful now. :D
As for the rest of my evening, I installed Tom Clancy's H-A-W-X and have been reminiscing in high-gloss quality with some good ol' memories. I've also been toying around with the Raptr desktop app; trying to figure out how to use the screenshots feature. Somehow I derped it up so now I can't use the Ctrl+Tab buttons to show the dock over my game. 0.o Eh, I'll get it eventually.
So, I'd have a H-A-W-X screenshot gallery here, but no screenshots were processed...